SHUT UP!
by KivaEmber
Summary: AU Germancest/Incest. It all started out as a joke. Then things got...weird. Rather crackish PrussiaxGermany GilbertxLudwig


**Title: **SHUT UP!

**Artist/Author: **KivaEmber (Tensai-chan helped a lot too)

**Character(s)/Pairing(s): **PrussiaxGermany (main) North Italy, South Italy, Japan, Spain, Hungary, Germania, Austria, France.

**Rating: **T+

**Warnings: **AU themes, crackness, abuse of the word 'awesome', possible OOC, lime, crude language (considering it has Prussia in it…a lot of crude language), sexual themes, incest, homosexual themes…and I think that's it…

**Summary: **AU Germancest/incest. At first it was just a joke. But then things got...weird. Rather crackish PrussiaxGermany (GilbertxLudwig).

**A/N: **I know. I'm terrible XP

Okay, I watched this MAD of Prussia and Germany from, you've guessed it, Nico, with the Kyouran Kazoku Nikki opening theme song (I forget its name, oh well….). I fell in love with it. My muse drop kicked me and demanded I write it. I am scared of my muse, so therefore I set out to write this.

After many misadventures in the land of writing and muses, with help from some friends (as usually happens in a heroic story like this!), I was able to wrestle this out and be happy that I was able to slip in a liiiiime~ Ukukukukuuuu…

Though, as a note, I am from Britain, Wales to be exact. And British secondary schools are _totally_ different from American high schools, and whenever I try to figure American high school systems out, my brain implodes 'cause it's as confusing as Germany's history.

So, they're in a British boarding school.

Therefore, as in this, _technically_ Prussia is older than Germany after all, Prussia and Germany are in Sixth Form, the last two years in secondary school which is completely voluntary (as it is either Sixth Form or college you go to for you're A-levels which help you go to University). In Sixth Form, there's upper and lower, Germany's in lower, and Prussia's in upper, and Upper Sixth Formers can share lessons (if they've dropped two A-level courses in their lower period, for example, so they'd have to take two AS with the lower Sixth once they're in upper).

Phew. So, got all that?

Ah, but I've rambled too long! Whatever, just read! Enjoy! And hopefully give out helpful criticism if you see something wrong! I'm still new to this fandom, and I've only written a barely 500 word drabble on Germany (gaaaaah, Prussia reminds me of Hichi-kun from Bleach though, so hopefully he won't be haaard~)

Also, much of the credit goes to Tensai-chan as she also helped my muse to beat me up and demand I write this story (or rather, bonking me on the head and telling me to _think_ this through rather than just leaping in and writing it. Thank you, Tensai-chan!)

Enjoy!

**X.x.X**

"_Yeah, Sophie, stop being lame!"_

"_I know you are, but what am I?"_

"_Your face!"_

"_I know you are, but what am I?"_

"_Your face!"_

"_My God, you guys are stupid…"_

_--- Me, Sophie and Jessica_

**X.x.X**

**SHUT UP!**

_Tap. Tap. Tap tap tap. Tap._

Gilbert found that his pencil was a very good accompaniment to the ancient grandfather clock stashed in the corner of the classroom. He had discovered this a few months back, when they had moved the old grandfather clock from the grandiose front hall of the prestigious boarding school into the German classroom, and, following his old tradition of tapping out an irregular beat on his desk, the hollow ticking of the grandfather clock proved to be a good pseudo bass.

Heavily thumping the deep mahogany floorboards with the heel of his shoe was good too, but that usually ended up with the chalkboard eraser thrown at his head and as much fun as it was pissing off the teacher, he did not want to die from something stupid like choking on chalk. He was too awesome for that.

_Tap. Tap tap taptaptap tap. Tap. Tap._

"Gilbert."

_Ta-_

"Yo."

_-p. Tap Tap. Taptap tap. Tap. Tap taptap. Tap._

A hand slapped down firmly, but quietly - as to not draw the teacher's attention – upon his hand, stilling the pencil's movement and leaving the grandfather clock to lead on with its lonely little bass solo.

"That's annoying."

Gilbert grinned, violet eyes peeking sideways to see that frowning countenance of his younger, but way more uptight brother. Adorable. "Your face is annoying." He shot back, the tip of his tongue peeking out in a mocking expression.

Ludwig's expression twitched, and snatched his hand back with a reinforced frown. "Yo-"

Though of course, whatever his dear brother had wanted to say was cut off when a chalk eraser bounced off the side of the youngest Weillschmidt's head. An explosion of white particles, and both Gilbert and Ludwig were hacking at the dry sensation of powder clogging their throats and noses.

"T-The f-fuc-ck, man!" Gilbert wheezed, practically flinging himself out of his seat to sprawl unceremoniously on the floor and flail his limbs melodramatically. "Ack! _Mein Gott_! My awesomeness…choking…!"

Another chalk eraser was flung – with startling accuracy – and smacked his nose.

The world was cruel.

Mrs. Elizabeth Héderváry, or Mrs. Elizabeth as she stressed to be called, did not hold any sympathy to the groaning teen, completely ignoring the younger Weillschmidt who was regaining his composure with only a sprinkle of white dusting his uniform in favour of towering over her most _troublesome_ pupil. "Weillschmidt."

"Gilbert." Gilbert croaked out raspingly. "Too awesome to be called _Weillschmidt_ like an old fart. It's the stick-in-the-mud over there." He waved vaguely to the general direction of his brother, accidentally thwacking the leg of his desk in the process. "Ow."

A chalk eraser was brandish threateningly (and how that crazy Hungarian woman produced them out of nowhere was a fucking _mystery_) and Gilbert shrunk back against the floorboards a little. Not 'cause he was, you know, _scared_ or anything. He just didn't want another mouthful of chalk dust.

"_Weillschmidt_." She stressed deliberately, a terrifying expression on her face. "Go back to your seat."

"Alright, alright! I'm getting my awesome ass up there!"

A few minutes later, and Gilbert was back to tapping out a staccato tune against the surface of his desk.

Ludwig didn't stop him this time though. Shame.

**X.x.X**

In the prestigious boarding school Hetalia, based in Britain on the border near Wales, there was a very strict rule regarding to dorms. As, usually, students came from rich families (Gilbert and Ludwig were no different), and from mostly around the world due to political schemes that did nothing but confuse, there were little 'sects' for each dorm.

European students had their dorms in the European sects; the Asian students had their dorms in the Asian sect, etc. Of course, this was further dissected into gender and classes but that really isn't the focus of the story (as _enthralling _as it looks). The point was, Gilbert bunked with his younger brother, quite comfortably he may add, but with sharing a room with Ludwig, came the fact that you also had to share a room with Feliciano Vargas (who had his _own_ dorm to lurk in he might add).

Seriously, that Italian practically lived with them.

And with Feliciano, there sometimes came that quiet Japanese guy, Kiku Honda, and, eventually, Feliciano's brother, Lovino, who ranted and raved at Ludwig (which is so fucking funny at times) with lots of Italian explicates and tomatoes (…) thrown around. _And then_ with Lovino, the Spanish tomato lover, Antonio F. Carriedo, slid in from _nowhere_ and takes over _his_ bed, dragging Lovino with him, and things just get crazy from there as _BAM_, he has a whole fucking zoo in his awesome personal bubble and though he knows people just _can't_ stand not to bask in his awesomeness, Gilbert needs Gilbert time alone with Ludwig.

(Ludwig counted as a brick wall, so he was allowed in Gilbert's personal bubble during Gilbert time.)

The point was though, that any attempt to successfully complete any homework was heartily thrown out the window amidst the chaos that plagued his and Ludwig's dorm room, and Gilbert was always left to spend his meagre free time pummelling Antonio and his wandering hands from his bed to the door with the use of his much abused pillow.

"Out! Out, you fucking tomato loving _Schwachkopf_! And take your Italian boytoy with you!"

"Ah! Ow! Gilbert, _stop_-!"

"Who the _Hell_ are you calling a _**boytoy**_, you German _bastarda_!?"

"-fucking _tired_ of this _**sheiβdrek**__-!_"

"-German bumpkin-!"

"_¡Cálmate_!"

"_**Enough!"**_

All activity ceased at once, and heads swivelled around to a very pissed off looking Ludwig with nonplussed expressions. Feliciano – as he usually did when his 'best friend' got into a mood – yelped and backed out of the taller Weillschmidt's line of sight.

Gilbert took the sudden stillness to sneak in another thwack atop of Antonio's head.

Ludwig did an impressive full body twitch. "Stop this nonsense right now! You're all acting like children! So, either be quiet or get out of the room!" He finalised this by pointing at the three teens sharply, in the direction of the door where Gilbert had almost chased Antonio through.

Luckily for Ludwig's dwindling sanity, Antonio, as thick-headed as he is at times, could read a situation fairly well. "Sure thing, man. Come on, Lovino, Feliciano! I'll go get us pasta!"

"_PAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTAAAAAAAAAAAA_!!!" Feliciano squealed, nothing more than a blur as he ploughed into the three and, after a brief moment of confusion and cursing, the two Italians and Spaniard left, leaving only a frowning Ludwig and a rumpled, but still grinning Gilbert.

"Man, that was a fucking rage dump." Gilbert teased, lips curled into a mocking grin as he swaggered past his younger brother.

"Hmph."

Wow. Ludwig really was a brick wall. An angry, talking brick wall, but a brick wall nevertheless. "You're so fucking tense, _Bruder_. Why don't you be all chillaxed like your awesome bro here?"

In the middle of pulling his homework folder from his bag, Ludwig glanced over his shoulder with a slightly flat expression. "…Because I actually care about my grades, Gilbert."

Humourless dunce.

"Ouch. That was fucking harsh." Mock swooning, Gilbert flopped back onto his bed with a lofty sigh. "My awesome ego….just can't take…your bummeritis." Seriously. He loved his younger brother and all, but his uptight nature was just so goddamn frustrating!

Ludwig needed a girlfriend. Or get laid. One of those.

Inspiration struck. Gilbert _grinned_.

"I know exactly what to do!" He crowed, jolting into an upright position and smacking his fist into the palm of his hand. "_Bruder_! Your awesome bro has thought up a solution to your stick-up-the-ass problem!"

Ludwig did not seem overjoyed. In fact, he seemed slightly despaired. "…What is it?" He asked cautiously, thumbing through his homework file to that day's assessment.

"You need to get laid. _And_ I know who's willing to turn that frown into a sexed up smile!"

The younger Weillschmidt just…_stared_. "…What."

"Yeah!" Gilbert slid off his bed with an ominous grin (very much similar to the grin he wore when he had conspired with Francis on how to torture the Austrian Music teacher which ended up with a half naked Mr. Edelstein, a _completely_ naked Francis, and Gilbert wearing the head of the bear suit pilfered from the Drama Studio's storage room) and prowled towards his frozen brother. "You're all tense, and the only way to get rid of all your problems is a good roll in the hay, huh?"

"…" Ludwig was truly, honestly speechless.

"And your awesome big bro, The Sex God, is just the man for the job!"

"Wha…? _**WHAAT!?**_"

**X.x.X**

Gilbert was banished from the dorm room that night.

**X.x.X**

The good thing about morning PSE Music class is that there was very little work involved. It was directly after breakfast and morning registration, and the students, not quite awake yet, usually just sat there catching an extra hour of sleep (like Feliciano), chatted quietly amongst themselves, or was hastily scribbling half assed answers in their homework folder for History next lesson which _wasn't_ as lenient as Music.

Gilbert would've been doing the latter if his homework folder wasn't still in the dorm room he was exiled from.

Instead, he pouted across the room at his brother, who was doing his damnest to ignore the eldest Weillschmidt and simply listen to Mr. Edelstein playing his piano part to Brahms's Piano Trio Mv.1 in preparation for the upcoming orchestral practice that evening for those taking Music A Levels.

Gilbert liked Brahms's work. Very wild and unconventional.

_But_, this wasn't about his music tastes! No, this was about the angry brick wall without a humour locking him out of his room for a joking remark and damning him to be killed by their History teacher! (He was _not_ scared goddammit! Even if he saw Mr. Germania lift up a whole freaking teacher's desk with one hand without breaking a sweat! He was far too awesome to be bludgeoned to death by an angry teacher!)

Tch. Who'd want to have sex with that idiot anyway? If they were lulled in by his good looks and hot body, they'd be instantly turned off by his stiff attitude!

"…" Gilbert blinked and then grinned to himself thoughtfully. Well, unless they were looking for a one night stand, then there wouldn't be any problem whatsoever about Ludwig's retarded personality. Hell, if incest wasn't punishable here, even _he'd_ jump Ludwig's hot bones if given the chance!

As if sensing his perverted thoughts, his younger brother chose then to pin him down with a glare – though the intimidating action was slightly dampened by the faint blush colouring his cheeks.

Gilbert raised a brow in response.

Huh. How interesting…

**X.x.X**

Curious about this reaction from Ludwig of all people, Gilbert ambushed his brother when the taller Weillschmidt was splitting away to go to his English class by swinging a friendly arm around those broad shoulders and greeting him in a loud voice. "_Gutun tag, Bruder_! Nice morning, innit?"

A suspicious (and was that a blush he could see?) look clouded Ludwig's face, but he answered in a stilted voice nevertheless. "It's raining."

"Really?" Completely passing his path to History, Gilbert feigned politeness. "I wasn't sure, y'know, having to bunk with _Francis_ of all people. Had to keep my eyes on him at all times rather than the window."

Ludwig looked guilty for a split second before his expression firmed again. "Well, you shouldn't be saying weird things!"

"Hey, I was trying to be _helpful_!" Gilbert huffed, giving a slightly annoyed glance at the other blond. "But, as usual, you ignored my awesome advice. I mean, what's so wrong about letting your awesome bro get rid of some of your tension?"

By now, the light, barely perceptible blush had darkened to a worrying shade of dark crimson, the taller Weillschmidt's cobalt eyes darting around as if looking for an escape route. "It should be obvious!" He burst out, flustered. "I mean, I'm late for English, Gilbert."

He was right. The corridor was empty now, and they had stopped by the stairs leading up to the English classrooms. The History teacher was going to _murder_ him, but, screwing with his brother (…possibly in more ways than one) took priority over lessons. "Hnn. So you are."

But no way was Gilbert letting Ludwig escape this easily. Not when he had _leverage_.

"Yeah, you are." He repeated, louder this time and dropped his arm from his brother's shoulders. He grinned at the other, giving a lazy one shouldered shrug. "So I'd hurry up, _Bruder_."

Calmed down slightly, Ludwig nodded and didn't say that the fault lied with Gilbert for his current lateness, starting up the stairs. Until a hand gripping his elbow stopped him.

Gilbert was giving him an oddly stern look. "…I was serious you know."

The flush shooting up to his cheeks again, Ludwig jerked his arm out of his older brother's grip and nodded again – albeit more stiffly, before practically power walking up the stairs in his haste to get away.

Gilbert watched him go, and only when the door closed with a loud and disturbed bang, did he give into his urges.

He laughed.

**X.x.X**

Later, when he was bouncing the chalk erasers together as punishment and feeling himself dying from chalk inhalation, he couldn't help but think that it was so totally worth it.

**X.x.X**

"C'mon, _Bruder_! Don't let your awesome bro sleep with that furry pervert again! Let me iiiiiiin~!"

There was no reason really to cause this much of a scene. Gilbert didn't care if he had to bunk with Francis (there was a spare bed because _no one_ wanted to sleep in the same room as the closet furry due to his rather…_promiscuous _nature), he was used to him anyway, but winding his uptight brother up even further was just so much _fun_!

There was already a curious crowd of students lurking around behind him.

Gilbert smirked.

"Are you still angry about the whole sex thing?" He shouted a little louder than necessary to just get his voice heard through a thin panel of wood. Murmurs sounded out behind him. He had to momentarily press the palm of his hand against his mouth to stifle any maniacal sniggers from slipping out.

"Because you know I love you, _Bruder_! And my awesomeness deserves to be spread around to as many people as possible. I'll always be here for you. And you can't say it wasn't good, because, you know, I'm just awesome and everything." He flailed his arms in a near beseeching manner, glad that he was facing the door otherwise he'd have definitely given the game away with his shit eating grin barely holding back the gales of laughter.

"Did he just-"

"I think he did…"

"I always knew there was something _weird_ about those two-"

"Maybe he means it a different way?"

"-totally admitted to screwing with each other-"

"-that's so _hot_-!"

"-they're _gay_!?"

Just as the murmurs were reaching their disbelieving crescendo, the dorm door abruptly opened, and Gilbert grinned innocently at the furious and uncomfortable expression on his younger brother's face before he was rudely dragged in by the front of his black blazer's lapels. The murmurs were cut off with a sharp '_bang_' of the door.

"Thanks for letting me in, _Bruder_." Gilbert chirped blithely.

"You-!" Ludwig cut himself off with a despairing moan, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes and looking close to clutching at his hair. "You _insufferable_- I don't even know what to call you!"

Gilbert grinned. "How about awesome?"

Ludwig just glared at him from between his splayed fingers. "How about not?" He snapped, lowering his hands and marching back to his bed, his whole posture exuding tension.

"Aw, c'mon, _Bruder_. Don't be like that." Gilbert sighed, leaning against the door. "If you just agree that you need some relaxing…" A wicked grin curled his lips at that. "Man, you'd have less worries in the world, that's for sure."

"…Hmph." Ludwig heaved a sigh. "I would _like_ to relax." He muttered begrudgingly – and a little wistfully. "But _your_ metho-"

He was cut off when he almost bowled over by a heavy weight ploughing into his back, only staying upright by the arms wrapped tightly around his waist and his thighs knocking against the edge of his bed. "Wha-!?"

"I _knew_ you'd come around, _Bruder_!" Gilbert cooed mockingly, snorting under his breath at the strange spluttering sounds coming from the younger Weillschmidt's mouth, and the vivid crimson streak staining the other's cheeks. Seriously, too easy. "Now if you just let me and my awesome lovin' skills handle this…"

"No! Wait, wait, wait!" Ludwig yelped in alarm, his hands grasping onto Gilbert's arms tightly, as if to pry himself loose. "That wasn't what I meant!"

"Ooooh…?" Tilting his head _just_ to the side, his lips brushed against the other's ear. "Then what did you mean, _Ludwig_?" Slip in a sultry purr and press in _slightly_ – yes, there it was, that strange noise his younger brother always made when completely out of his depth and floundering in the realm of utter mortification.

"I-I, you just…No! No, no, off, Gilbert!" Ludwig snapped, resorting to the tone of voice he used when admonishing his pet dogs back at home. Another sign of how shaken he was. "_Off_!"

Taking pity for once on his younger brother, Gilbert released him with a disappointed sigh, backing off a few feet. "Alright, alright. No need to get your panties in a twist." He stretched his arms up, turning away from his flushed and panting brother to his bed, sauntering towards it.

He thought it had been a very productive day.

**X.x.X**

It was exactly 3:28am. Gilbert knew this because he had been staring at his bedside alarm clock for the past hour in hopes that the sheer _boredom_ would allow him to fall into a zombie-like state that always gave way to sleep (as proven in Science when it was just a theory class that day). It wasn't working, apparently.

Groaning, the platinum haired teen rolled over from the mocking clock and glowered at the door leading to their personal bathroom, rubbing his cheek agitatedly.

A soft noise drew his attention from his door glaring, and Gilbert rose himself up on an elbow to look across at his sleeping brother. The other was obviously asleep (lucky bastard), and seemed to be in the throes of either a nightmare or a very vivid dream judging by the series of soft, very uncharacteristic noises escaping Ludwig's lips, and the constant shifting.

Cocking a brow, and all thoughts of elusive sleep forgotten, Gilbert sat up properly to get a better look as he could in the darkness at his younger brother to observe this strange behaviour.

Well, it beat staring at the door.

As his brother continued to toss and turn, muttering something in German gibberish, Gilbert heaved a heavy sigh and slid out of bed, stretching the kinks out of his limbs as he padded quietly to Ludwig. He may as well kick the bastard awake and make him suffer alongside with him (and he wasn't doing it because he thought that he was having a nightmare, no way).

"Oi. _Bruder_." Gilbert bent over his younger brother, frowning at the slightly pained expression on the taller blond's face. Hmph. "Oi!"

Leaning down even further, Gilbert rested a knee on the edge of Ludwig's bed for balance and grasped his shoulder tightly, roughly shaking him. "Fucking wake u-"

Ludwig let out a strange noise and abruptly bolted upright. Of course, with Gilbert head in the way, he wasn't able to sit up very far before their foreheads connected painfully. Gilbert cursed and almost toppled backwards off the bed, and Ludwig groaned and fell back on is elbow, dazed blue eyes blinking rapidly and a hand flying to the red mark on his forehead.

Ludwig's confused gaze fell on Gilbert who still cursing up a storm in German. "…Gilbert…?"

"_Ow_, you fucking moron!" Growling irritably, the shorter Weillschmidt scowled at his brother and cuffed him lightly. "What did you think you were doing, sitting up like that? Could've given me a fucking concussion with that thick head of yours!"

Some clarity returning to his eyes, Ludwig sat up a little more, grimacing at the mild headache he had. "Sorry, but you star-" He froze. "…What are you doing near my bed, anyway?"

"You woke me up with your fucking shuffling and moaning." A lie, but Hell Gilbert didn't care. "So I came to fucking shut you up." Parking his rump on the edge of his brother's bed, back facing the suspicious blond, Gilbert ran a hand through his hair, twitching when it hit a few tangles. "So what. Had a nightmare or something?"

Ludwig gave a cough, and shifted his weight with an air of embarrassment. "…A nightmare of some kind, yes…"

"Huuhn…well, whatever. I don't care." Gilbert pushed himself up and padded back to his bed with an obnoxious yawn. "I'm going back to sleep. _Gutenacht_."

"A-Ah…_Gutenacht_…"

As soon as Gilbert's head hit the pillow, he finally went to sleep.

**X.x.X**

Waking up was a horrible affair.

With only four hours of sleep under his belt, Gilbert had crawled out of bed with the grace of a drunken sloth and subsequently faceplanted into the carpet. So now with a throbbing headache from his earlier head knocking and carpet burn, Gilbert knew that this was going to be a shitty morning.

"_Mein Gott_…" He groaned to no one, hauling himself up with the help of his bed and rubbing at his eyes. "Stupid Ludwig…this is his fucking fault."

He glanced at his brother's bed, and huffed at seeing it empty, the sheets made and pyjamas folded neatly atop of the pillows. His brother was so _weird_.

Leaving his bed a crumpled mess, Gilbert lurched towards the bathroom and almost smashed into the doorframe. Dazed, the blond somehow managed to brush his teeth and take a leak without killing himself, stumbling back out a little more awake than before and rummaged around for his elusive school uniform.

It was only after five minutes of rooting about under his bed did he see them draped over the back of the chair in front of the only desk in their dorm room – where he certainly did _not_ put them.

"Neat freak." He remarked, as if Ludwig could hear him.

**X.x.X**

The reason why Gilbert took German in AS even though he was fluent was because he viewed it as an easy grade. It was a little annoying, actually, that he had to take two AS classes when he was an upper Sixth, but it was the rule when you only had two A Level classes to do; and he didn't exactly want to work on a time consuming AS, so one of his choices was German.

It was purely coincidence that his brother decided to take German as well, though not because it was an easy grade, but because _languages_ in A Level were apparently very valuable – native language or not (though Gilbert was sure that Ludwig was just being secretly lazy).

The other AS Gilbert took was one that he thought would be fun as well. Chemistry.

Boy, was he _wrong_.

But he was awesome, and even though at the end of every Chemistry lesson he felt like his hand was going to fall off, he admitted that it was worth it for one of the rare days that he could actually handle volatile substances in experiments.

Unfortunately, his brother also had this AS class, and whenever the word 'experiment' came up, he instantly became Gilbert's partner to make sure that he didn't end up blowing up the whole classroom. It irked him slightly, because the experiments were usually peppered with "Not that much sodium in the water, Gilbert", or "We're supposed to be heating the solution, not setting homework on fire, Gilbert", and he wasn't able to spice up the experiments like he wanted to. It was annoying.

Strangely enough though, Ludwig seemed awfully reluctant to partner up with him today.

Whether it was the whispers borne was Gilbert's little act outside their shared dorm room, or that Ludwig was still edgy over his mock-flirting, he wasn't sure, but when the teacher had announced that there was going to be a 'Titration Experiment', his brother had done an impressive twitch and looked like someone had just told him that he had to be stuck in a room with Feliciano for week.

"C'mon, _Bruder_. Stop looking like someone shot your puppy." Gilbert coaxed, nudging his brother with his elbow none too lightly as he poured the sodium hydroxide into a beaker. "You're bumming everyone out with your grumpiness."

Ludwig did not take his advice. "I don't know how you can still be acting like this." He muttered irritably, setting up the burette. "Your performance yesterday…"

"Performance? What performance?" Gilbert smirked, his mind full of all sorts of ways to twist that into a suitable innuendo. "I did a lot of 'performances' yesterday."

But Ludwig didn't rise to the bait and just glowered at him unhappily before turning to his sheet. "Let's just try to do the experiment and get it over with."

Gilbert blinked. Well, that wasn't a usual Ludwig response.

"Oooh, I think there's some trouble in paradise there…"

"They have a lover's spat or something?"

"Well, Gilbert _was_ locked out of the room last night…"

"-wonder what happened then…?"

Ludwig's grip tightened on the assessment sheet with every speculative whisper.

_I think…_ Gilbert's normally silent conscience hissed, _You went a little too far._

**X.x.X**

After the most awkward silence that had ever happened between Gilbert and Ludwig, Gilbert revised his earlier opinion on the whole 'flirting-with-Ludwig-for-laughs-ahahahah-I'm-so-awesome' plan. It was funny, still was, but now that annoying little niggling feeling that he gets whenever he tortures his younger brother a little too much was gnawing at his brain.

How was he going to enjoy watching Ludwig squirm around like the uptight prude that he was if he had that irritated bastard called his conscience making him feel bad about it?

Then again, his conscience had never had much of a say in how he'd run his life before, why should he let it interfere with his awesome plan now? He'd show his conscience who was boss – by ignoring it.

"Aaah, what a chaotic morning!" Gilbert sighed, plonking himself down beside his brother in the lunchroom and dropping the tray loudly on the table. "Hm, _Bruder_?"

"Uh…yeah. Yeah it was."

Ludwig looked, if anything, slightly pathetic. Shoulders slumped and poking his mashed potato unenthusiastically, he portrayed the perfect picture of defeat. It made Gilbert feel a little queasy, actually.

"Er…man, Ludwig, you look like shit." Gilbert blurted. "Eat some bad wurst or something yesterday?"

"Probably."

"Eh…" Letting out a sigh, Gilbert copied his brother's actions by poking his mashed potato moodily. "So stressed, _Bruder_. You should've taken up my offer."

Ludwig abruptly stood from his seat, surprising Gilbert from the sudden action. "I have some work to do." Came the curt explanation, and then Ludwig was storming out of the lunchroom before Gilbert to get a word in edgewise.

"…" Gilbert blinked, slightly bewildered by this uncharacteristic reaction. He'd expected Ludwig to splutter and blush, shout maybe, and then act all stiff as a cover up for his previous loss of composure. This was…a little _weird_.

In fact, the whole plan was weird from the start. Hitting on Ludwig of all people, che, what was he thinking?

Gilbert poked his mash potato again.

He'd lost his appetite.

**X.x.X**

Ludwig was indeed engrossed in some work when Gilbert returned to their dorm room, not even greeting him or acknowledging his presence when he had burst through the door with exaggerated loudness. It felt weird, because his younger brother would always admonish him for something he did, or try to make him actually do his homework for once (and fail).

Gilbert realised that he was pouting, and immediately schooled his expression into a frown, glaring at the ceiling above his bed.

The silence was _killing_ him.

"Oi…_Bruder_…" Gilbert groaned, rolling over onto his front and stared at his brother hunched over the desk, scribbling frantically. "I'm bored. Entertain me."

"I'm busy."

Gilbert pursed his lips and let out an irritated '_che_' in response, dangling an arm over the edge of his mattress. The only thing he could hear aside from the scribbling pen was the steady _tick tock_ of the clock hanging beside the door, and Gilbert couldn't be bothered creating a spontaneous tune to accompany the metronome.

This wasn't uncomfortable _at all_.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Gilbert sat up and leant forwards slightly, elbows resting on his knees. "Oi, Ludwig. You're pretty quiet today."

"Nothing to talk about."

And still using curt sentences too. "Eh, how cold…" Gilbert frowned thoughtfully, squinting at his younger brother. He knew Ludwig very well, how to press his buttons, what his pet peeves were, what his favourite and hated food was, and all the information a loving brother had to know, but this weirdly closed off guy he had no clue whatsoever.

"…"

It was…unnerving.

"Yeah. You're very cold to your awesome bro, _Bruder_. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning? That time of the month? Feeling sick? C'mon, throw me a hint or something-"

"Gilbert." Ludwig's voice cut him off. "I'm busy working, that's all."

"Busy being an _arschloch_ more like." Gilbert snapped, losing patience with his younger brother. "Seriously, you've been acting like something crawled up your ass and _died_. Which I doubt since that fucking tree trunk takes up most of the space up there."

"Well, maybe I'm angry about the fact that you've told the whole school that we're into _incest_!" Ludwig snarled back, launching himself out of his seat to tower over his older brother.

"Oh for- Is that what this is about!?" Gilbert stood as well, not wanting to feel smaller than usual with his taller brother. "You're so fucking _uptight_ about these things, you idiot! Why do you think I offered in the first place!? It was a fucking _joke_!" His accent was starting to come through now, making the words sound harsher than they were meant to be. "_Mein Gott_, Ludwig…"

"You-" Ludwig cut himself off, sucking in a large breath and closing his eyes. "No. Doesn't matter."

Then it hit Gilbert. Hit him, then smashed him over the head with a crowbar and stomped on him.

"Oh…" Gilbert nearly cringed at how faint his voice sounded. "Oh. Oh, _sheiβdrek_. You think…ah." Suddenly _extremely_ uncomfortable – a first for him, right now he didn't feel very awesome – he coughed into his hand and looked away. "You thought I was actually _serious_."

In retrospect, he should've seen that. His brother was terribly _dense_ in these certain matters.

"Then, uh, last night…"

"…"

"Ah."

If the silence was killing him before, this one was defiling his corpse.

"Um…well…" Completely out of his element for once in his life, Gilbert rubbed the back of his head as he tried to think of something to break the awkward moment. Something to smooth this over and continue on their relationship as the cliché big brother torturing little brother gig.

He cleared his throat. "I…I guess it was kinda serious…"

…

_What the Hell just came out of his __**mouth!?!?!**_

Ludwig seemed just as shocked as Gilbert. "What…?"

"Er…I mean…yeah. Yeah." Gilbert caught his second wind and straightened up, his cocky grin hitching itself back onto his lips. "It is true you need to get laid, _Bruder_. And I'm the best man for the job!" He felt a faint sense of déja vu as he practically shouted this, but he didn't care.

Gilbert Weillschmidt backed down from nothing!

Ludwig blinked. "What…?"

"C'mon, _Bruder_!" Gilbert barked, snatching up his younger brother's wrist and dragging him towards his bed. "Let's get you laid!"

"…what…?"

**OWARI**


End file.
